My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize