We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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