We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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