why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
