Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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