You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
