I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
