Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
