Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize