Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BRING THE BAGELS
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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