I'm going to jail i love you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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