She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
