Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
