I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
