i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
