I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
