I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
