these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
