Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
