its not stalking. its research.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
