Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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