Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
