party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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