I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
