Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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