I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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