Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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