i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
