Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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