The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
