never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
