I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
