What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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