just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
