he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
