I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
