I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
