are you still at the devil's house?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
