i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
