I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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