toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
