my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
