If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
