you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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