I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
