some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
