Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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