I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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