They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
