The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
