Quick, to the slutcave!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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