GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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