I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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