apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
