Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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