hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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