I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
