Screwed.edu
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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