Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize