how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
