spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
