everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
