She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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