I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
