I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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