Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
