The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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