you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
