you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you bring me the toilet please
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
