I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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