Tell her she can't have a vagina
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
