Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
