Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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