I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
