how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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