hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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