She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
