I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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