i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
